i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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