I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
