Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
