i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Acid is not a monday night drug
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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