watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
