I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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