I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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