Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
