lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
