Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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