so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Randomize
