The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
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