Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize