i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Will exercising make me less horny?
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