Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Khloé Kardashian Finally Speaks Out About The Tristan Thompson Cheating Scandal
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
15 Porn Memes You’re Only Allowed To Laugh At If You’re Over 18
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
