dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him