hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
