Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
