All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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