i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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