The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
