Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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