my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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