so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
