i don't like sucking hair
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
