what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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