Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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