Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
