She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
