I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I believe in your delicious
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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