I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
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He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
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