I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
