It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
