I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
