it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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