We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
