There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
