sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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