I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
