I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
