the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
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I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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