I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
