I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
