I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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