She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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