I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
