Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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