i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
She even gives head with a lisp.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Randomize
