I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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