I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
