Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
