Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Randomize
