The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
