It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
