I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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