Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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