I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
this just has baby written all over it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Randomize