I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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