i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
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