Me too!
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
