Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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