Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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