If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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