Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
