Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Randomize
