I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
