How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
