i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
