Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
