Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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