carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
