Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
