My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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