he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
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