Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize